I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
