I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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