Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
