Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
