i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
