I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
