Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
