I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
