a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
