I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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