Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
