the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm like, not good at living.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
