I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
