Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
