I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She bit a glass in half.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
