it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
