dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
