I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
