grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
