So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
