well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
