dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
