Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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