dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
