she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize