I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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