So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
