found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
