Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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