God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
