There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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