I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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