theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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