So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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