There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
