I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize