Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
