i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
