I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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