Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
