That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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