It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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