Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
