what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
