if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
