I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
