i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
