It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
