At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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