so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
