I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
