On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
