She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
