I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
