Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
