so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
