My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
