She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
