1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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