it wasn't lemon gatorade
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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