Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
