I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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