I just cut my nipple shaving
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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