He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
