There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
