if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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