You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
should my penis look like a turkey
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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