Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
