I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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