Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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