escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
